Aliens land on earth, demand under no circumstances to be taken to our leaders

It has been confirmed that aliens have landed on earth over the festive period. Their large red craft, powered by nine outlying vaguely reindeer-shaped thrust modules landed outside Slaithwaite on Christmas Day.

The leader of the expedition, from the planet Jansch in the Pentangle constellation told bemused onlookers: “We come in peace. For fuck’s sake don’t take us to your leaders. Bunch of useless shagnasties. Is there a decent folk club round here?”

Commander GooGoo Barbajangle, the second in command of the alien task force added “We have been observing your planet and it is clear to us that you will last only a few more months with grlxmdfrkors like Trump and Kim Jong Un involved in what we understand you Earthlings call ‘a longness of penis test match’. Meanwhile we have mostly been listening to your English folk music and when we learned Bellowhead had split up, it was now or never.”

Trooper Lyndixfaaaahn said “The idea of leaving a large trading bloc on your doorstep in a vainglorious bid to try to regain a lost universal standing was proven to be a totally xyartig idea by Banjax 5 in the Unthanx galaxy. Eventually the entire planet went bankrupt and had to come grovelling back. We made them change their interplanetary pass documents back to burgundy too. Do you have any first pressing Jackie Leven albums by any chance?”

The aliens, who it is understood have developed a nasal vocal delivery and have an extraneous external finger-like digit permanently inserted into what appears to be their ear, landed in Slaithwaite due to its proximity to the Marsden Mechanics Hall, Holmfirth Picturehouse and several small music venues in Huddersfield.

We tried to press the aliens further on their intentions but they told us they were heading off to see Eliza Carthy in Penistone.

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